is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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