You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
