I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
