don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
