you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
