So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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