Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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