i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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