He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize