Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
