i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
