I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
