I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
