After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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