it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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