guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
