They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
