I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
