someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
