Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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