We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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