your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
