I am midnight drunk by noon
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
