is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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