um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
