end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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