3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
