you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
