Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
