Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
