Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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