Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
