Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
