So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
