You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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