meet me or not, i'm out of control
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
