I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
