A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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