And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
