she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
