3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
