he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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