Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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