margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
