I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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