What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
