I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
