We won't sleep together?
actually, I'm a sock model
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
