There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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