so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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