I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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