Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
