I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
