remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
