i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize