I'm passing your future prison.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
