That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
