Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
