I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
