Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i have herpe
just one?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
