The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
