Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think I just sharted jello shots
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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