i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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