I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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