so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
