i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
