Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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